the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
