Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
