Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
