He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
