I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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