did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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