So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
