And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You did what with his pubic hair?
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