Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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