Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
