I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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