she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
