i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
