Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
