I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
