i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize