dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
