The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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