i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
