apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
