At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
