So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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