mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
