So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
