walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
