had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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