I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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