And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
