i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you inspire me to be a worse person
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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