he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
