I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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