True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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