If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
