I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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