I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
