At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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