Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
