You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
