watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
