youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
