ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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