Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
