she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
