Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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