In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
