i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
