The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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