its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
