you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
