Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
