Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
