I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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