every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
