wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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