You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
