Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize