I got chris browned last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
