i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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