How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
