I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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