I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
