i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
