I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
