I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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