sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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