just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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